Saved By McDonalds - Monday Funny!

I had a 6 hour road trip this weekend. With the exception of the thunderstorms, my trip to the destination was fine.

On the way back, I decided to treat myself with a Dairy Queen Cookies and Cream milk shake.

I was concerned with being tired during the drive, so I followed my Dairy Queen Cookies and Cream milk shake with a Cherry Coke Chaser.

NOTE: I am VERY lactose intolerant.

I wanted it, and I was going to have it. I didn't have my lactaid pills with me, but I could handle it. My thought was I would FORCE my body to like dairy little by little. "I control you, body. Not the other way around!"

Maybe I should have started AT HOME . I swear the dairy and carbonation was the equivalent of a bomb!

1 hour from home, my stomach made a really odd noise.

I got extremely HOT.
Then bitter cold.

And then the sort of fear only present in a child as she enters an alleged haunted house on Halloween night.

SHEER TERROR!

CAN I OUT-DRIVE THIS BM!
Will I need to pull over into a ditch?
God, please help me!

I turned up the gospel music -already playing in the car-, loud enough that the deer could hear. "If my ears hurt I won't think about the terror attack on my loins", I thought.

And then I saw them - the Golden Arches!

"Just a little bit more Butterfly and you'll be ok."

In hindsight, this is funny as heck. In the moment ....well, I rather not relive it :-)

Gratitude Moment: I am so thankful for the 31,000 McDonald's locations.

My Hair!

OMG! I have hair... A LOT of HAIR.

I couple years ago I introduced wigs into my worlds. It started when I worked as a model for hair magazines. I wore wigs for the magazine and it was soooo easy. Also I HATED the damage done to MY hair when I modeled. Wigs are so easy.

So with that said, I haven't "worn" MY hair since 2004. Well, I washed my hair today and actually took the time to blow dry it, and OMG my hair is in the middle of my back!

My hair must grow with dirt cuz I sure as hell haven't touched it. I may wash it every other month (gross, I know, but I keep changing my wig caps, so it really hasn't been stinky. LMBO!

Hmmm, I'm thinking about returning to my hair.

Why?

I recognize that I hide behind my wigs. When I am feeling crappy, not pretty, or like acne has taken up residence on my face, I wear a big poofy wig to hide. I can't hide when my hair is in a pony tail.

I think I'm going to do it - one week with my hair, off my face.

Introducing.... Butterfly.

Gratitude Moment: Thankful that I recognize areas of my life that still need work.

Hubby, My Self Image & My Feet

I've long know that I am severely affection and attention deficient; it's one of the reasons why I have never had a desire to have kids. When I was younger I figured that I would want ALL of my husband's attention ALL THE TIME, so there would be none available for a child.

So, I know that I have the perfect husband for me. He compliments me A LOT and I soak it up like a spongy sponge!

His compliments of course are ALL true - I am the most gorgeous woman in all of the world, I do have the best body, smile, eyes, bum, body, toes AND I'm funny! :-)

But he also compliments me so I can identify reality and the BS in my head caused by bip and ED. He's paid specific attention to my ED and self -esteem issues. When I am embarking on a self -defeatist or self -destructive path, he knows how to get me back on the right track.

I looked at my feet today, and liked them.

Ok, what does my feet have to do with anything?

Well, I've always liked my feet. I think they're cute. Yet, one day I woke up and didn't like my feet probably because people I dated weren't really into feet or said I had long toes or something. But anyway, at some point I began to dislike my feet.

Well, I like them again; not only because hubby does, but I realize that they're mine and aren't bad at all! It made me realize how I've allowed other people's opinions and perceptions become my view of MY body.

How wack is that?!

I love my toesies!

Gratitude Moment: I am thankful that I recognize the need to reboot my mental computer.

I've Edited My Blogs

For those of you who have been reading from the very beginning, you've followed my saga through dating and now to being with my hubby.

If you reread any posts, you'll notice some edits. I've removed names of anyone that I've dated.

Why?

I like rereading my blogs and didn't want the memories;
Hubby is reading the blogs to learn more about me, and the names no longer mattered; so I changed them to "the guy I'm dating".

I delete some blogs altogether.

Hey, I'm making new memories, and these are the ones that matter.

Gratitude Moment: Thankful that I am no longer living in past relationships.

May is Mental Health Month

I know that there are NAMI Walks happening around the country.

I want to participate in one -either in MD or NYC.

Not sure how I'm gonna raise awareness, but trust me, I'm gonna find a way.

P.S. I've been thinking about "outing myself" on this blog. I said THINKING.

Gratitude Moment: Thankful that I am growing less ashamed of my illness each day.

Me & Kid TV

I found myself watching an entire episode of Hanna Montana today....and enjoying it.

I frequently watch Sponge Bob Square Pants as well.

Ok, I'm 31. What's wrong with this picture?

NOTHING!

Kid TV is the way TV should be - stress and drama free!

On Nickelodeon, there are shiny things, bright colors, smiles, sing song-y moments and happy times.

I've figured out how to fix what ails me - WATCH MORE KID TV!

"Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS!"

Gratitude Moment: So thankful that I can embrace moments of joy and seek more of it.

Blue Collar Comedy Fan

This is a picture of Ron White.

I LOVE him! Well, I love his comedy!

Ok, so I have Sirius radio in the car, and when driving I often listen to the comedy stations because laughter is good for the soul.

I often listen to Blue Collar Radio because I find it abso-freaking-lutely hilarious!

I love Larry the Cable Guy and have added Git-r-done to my vocabulary.

Did I mention that I LOVE Ron White?

Im watching his standup on TV right now. Here's a scene for you. Enjoy!

Gratitude Moment: So thankful for comedians that can make me laugh.

Caught Up on the Blogs!

Hooray for me!

I'm all caught up on the blogs. There are some new blogs that I'm gonna add to my blog roll.

I wish I could read blogs all day because I love reflection, humor, encouragement, etc.

But for the new people to my blog, WELCOME! So glad you stopped by, and do come again.

-Butterfly

Weekend Funny

Off With Her Head!

DISCLAIMER: I liked the title, so this is not about me wanting to literally take off someone's head; as in murder.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way....

A Maryland Judge messed with the wrong chick yesterday and I'm gonna git-er!

I was having SEVERE anxiety yesterday. I think I had the worst panic attack since February of 07!

But I had to go to court.

In the morning, I threw up and was on the toilet more times than I could count (not for ED purposes). I had cold sweats and was literally shaking.

When I get really anxious, I faint. I've fainted in gyms, on trains, at parties - it's embarassing. It's almost like my body shuts down because it's too much stress. So, I wrote the judge a note explaining my disorder and symptoms and asked for a closed court room. Who hell wants to faint in court? I was just asking for some special consideration, no a to dothe proceedings from my bed in a pink cashmere robe!

Her reply: Suck it up!

Ok, so that was her NONVERBAL reply. She really said that it didn't constitute a situation that she thought warranted a closed court room and proceeded to BERATE ME in front of everyone for wanting special attention!

Well, when I had to state my name, I couldn't. I was stuttering so badly and had to run out of the room to throw up. As I am running out she's yelling: "Butterfly, you are not exempt from these proceedings!"

SHUT UP YOU BEARDED FAT FUCK! (That's what I said in my head.) ANd then I followed it with I should have thrown up on the damn floor. TAKE THAT!

She created the VERY conditions I said would be to my detriment and didn't care. The more I stuttered, the more she asked questions - in rapid succession!

Bearded Bitch!

Ok, so I won't be able to have her removed from the bench, but she will have something in her file stating that her court room in not compassionate to people with mental illness.

On a more positive note, once court was adjourned, I exited the courtroom in tears of relief. An attorney walked up to me, said he hated the way I was treated, and said, "let me help you."

I meet with him today.

Gratitude Moment: I'm thankful that some people recognize mental illness as something not worthy of ridicule.

What Would You Do?

Do you watch Oprah?

Today's show was all about placing real people in sticky situations seeing what they do.

There were several episodes including:
- bigotry to a Muslim woman in a diner
- seeing a friend's bf on a date with someone else.
- 3 tween girls horribly teasing another girl

It got me thinking not only about what I would do now, but what I did when I was younger, and then I remembered.

I had a 7th grade classmate named "K". Her family was not as financially stable as other kids in the class. She wore her uniform several days at a time, didn't appear to take frequent showers, and often smelled.

I witnessed another classmate make a pen mark on her shirt to see if "K" would wear it the next day.

She did and was the subject of ridicule. I felt horrible, and purposed to get to know her.

I did and she became one of my best childhood friends.

I switched to another school for 8th grade and we lost touch.

I found her last week online.

Part of me wants to give a 20 year old apology. But should I?

Would I be bringing up old wounds only to make myself feel better?

Hmmmm, I think so.

I just thought that I have 20 year old hurts that affect me today. Maybe by me apologizing if she had a 20 year old hurt because of the incident, she could get some closure.

Hmmm. That's a whole lotta "if's".

I'll leave it alone.

Gratitude Moment: I'm grateful that I have a conscience and care to make wrongs right.

PBS documentary, DEPRESSION: Out of the Shadows

Last Wednesday I attended a screening of the PBS documentary, DEPRESSION: Out of the Shadows. (Yup, I got out of the house.)

30 minutes of the 90 minute film was screened, and then followed by a discussion. Of the real life people featured, I especially remember the story of a gang member in New Jersey and what depresion lead him to do. Riviting :-)

With the exception of a small part of it that spoke about the benefits of Electric Shock Treatment, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

There were 3 panel members that had experienced Depression, and a host of p-docs and t-docs in attendance. As I suspected, the docs all came to showboat about their practices, books and radio programs, but none of them new shit were directly affected by ANY mental illness.

And so ladies and gentlemen of the blogosphere, I came out of the closet.

Yup, to 100+ people, I told my story of having bipolar disorder, my struggles, fears and life as I knew it.

I took the p-docs to task for working with big business and pushing meds to get a payoff at the expense of serious consequences. I berated them for being quick to prescribe without disclosing details of withdrawal, side effects, etc.

I also took them to task for not working hard enough with insurance companies to cover more than 20 annual visits.

To the media in attendance, I scolded the industry for their role in demonizing people with mental health issues. It wasn't a rant, and it felt GOOD!

Yup, I see it in my future: Butterfly the Mental Health Advocate/ Activist Philanthropist.
It's coming, I can feel it.

Please, put it in your Outlook, Blackberries and Treo's NOW, or simply write it in your planner :-)

You can read more on NAMI's website. It airs nationwide May 21, 2008. Check your local listings (I've always wanted to write and say that. :-) I'll say it again: Check Your Local Listings.)

Gratitude Moment: Thankful that hubby has been doing really well with his depression lately.

Celebs and Taxes

I had our taxes done recently with a HR Block.

They offer a "worry-free-we'll-pay-all-legal-fees-if-you-get-audited-and-take-the-heat" plan. It's called their "Peace of Mind" plan, I think.

Of course we opted for this.

Now here's my question: Why are so many celebrities getting caught up in tax problems? Surely they could afford the extra $39.99 (or how much it costs; can't recall).

I have bipolar disorder, but if you have millions and trust your freedom to a guy who "has been doing this for years", without the peace of knowing that he'll take the heat, well then hey, YOU'RE the crazy one.

Weekend Funny

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi Grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.

He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'

She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

Read the rest here.

Gratitude Moment: So thankful for the email forwards that make me laugh.

1 Year Ago Today

Happy Birthday to ME!

One year ago yesterday, I was under suicide watch until I escaped out of the hospital.

On year ago today, I felt like this, this, this and this.

I had a huge birthday party last year. I was VERY manic, but I ultimately had a good time, I think. Don't remember much.

This year, I self-checked all day long to gauge how I felt.

Was I sad about my family not saying happy birthday? Nope. I was just sad that they didn't pause their "You Suck" Campaign to give me some peace today.

I really feel like they would prefer me dead than married.

I want to tell them I hate them, only because I want them to have their peace disturbed as much as mine is. I don't mean it, but I wish they would back the fuck heck off and be grateful that I am in my right mind. I'm not hurting anyone, but all of a sudden no one can cope. "I'm just hurting them oh so badly. F*ck off!

It's cool. At some point, God place ginormous amounts of courage inside of me. I'm taping into it and refusing to be depressed.

I have an interview tomorrow.

Boooo!

So, "someone" decided to leave a comment about my post "To My Father". It said: You need serious mental help. I hope you’re getting it.

In the words of Michelle Tanner (the Olsen Twins) on Full House: "How rude!"

I know who commented, and here's what I have to say:

As a person with a mental illness, I thought you'd be more sensitive that to say something like that to me, especially when it was CLEAR that I was hurt. But, I supposed sensitivity applies only to you and to no one else.

If you meant what you said, and truly wanted me to give some credence to it, why did you post as Anonymous?

You're attempt to hurt, was actually received as a reason to pity YOU. See, I have a mood disorder and I am getting help for it. Mood disorders can be fixed and managed, but what can fix a black heart.

Here's what you get:

Gratitude Moment: So proud of myself for not allowing someone's bad day to be a bad day for me.

Some Back Story

Ok, I know you're wondering what the heck prompted the last post.

Well, my parents and the majority of my family didnt't know that I got married, and now that they do, they launched a sh*t storm or negativity.

My mother said I'm "cursed and disgusting", "I was raised better", and "how could I."

My father said "how could I stoop so low as to marry for money."

Yup, the last 48 hours has been interesting.

So Butterfly, what did you learn from the hail storm o' crap?

I'm so glad you asked. :-)

Well, if you are being your most authentic self, and people react with anger, venom, etc, one of 2 things are happening:

1. They are lashing out at YOU because THEY would never have the courage to make the decision you did; especially if it goes against the grain.

2. They're actually mourning their expectations for you that will not (or they fear will not) come to fruition.

Oh, yeah. I am so having an aha moment.

The secret is out and I feel so free. I also feel so much closer to being ME, not who my family wants me to be, not who society says I should be, but ME. And guess what? On any given day, my concept of ME may change, and that's ok.

Why?

Because I say so!

Hooray for me!

Gratitude Moment: So glad that with each passing day, I care MORE about me and less about opinions, expectations, and perception.

To My Father

I thought we had a good relationship.

In a choice between you and my mother, it was you all day long.

But now I ask Where were you?

It seems I’ve had to go through the hardest times of my life by myself; unable to talk to anyone; unable to confide in you.

Where were you when I was almost raped, when I was left on the side of a highway to walk for miles and figure out how to get back to a home where my aunt –your sister- didn’t give a damn about me?

Where was your anger for your sister who treated me like shit and disrespected me?

Where was your shame then?

Where were you when I stared at razors wishing I had the courage?

Where were you when I needed someone to talk to?

Where were you when I was losing my mind?

Where the fuck were you?

And now you judge me?

Interesting enough, I’m not angry. I’m disappointed, saddened, and understanding why this situation is yet again about you.

I’m changing my numbers; getting a new email and starting a life where you need not be in the audience. That way, I can be a disgrace to you no more.

Amanda the Great

Do you read the blog This Side of Reason by Amanda?

If you don't, perhaps you should.

Check this out:

"...I will work more on reprogramming my tape. Many of the negative, depressing thoughts which permeate my life on a daily basis are not an illness - they are just a bad habit."

Perspective on life; isn't that what we're all searching for?

I must admit that I read Amanda's blog in part to sheer selfishness; I always learn something when I read it!

Amanda, thank you for sharing your lessons. I learn from you.

Read Amanda's full post entitled Taking Vitamins.

Gratitude Moment: I'm thankful that I am open enough to receive lessons; even via the blogosphere.

OHMIGOSH its 1AM!

I've been posting blog comments and lost track of time...again.

Gotta be up at 6!

Good night!

More on Work

So I didn't take the job and didn't think twice about it.

Hubby had an interesting idea: be a consultant for what I know and do well.

Yes! I drafted a proposal and sent it to a couple companies, and my week is filled with meetings!

The 9-5 work day isn't for me. I've tried it and tried it and it doesn't work for me. I can't sit still, my concentration leaves me and I becomes a problem for the company. I won't go through that again.

The company that wanted me to work for them is a franchise. The company I worked with in NYC was also a franchise. So, I started thinking: maybe we should get a franchise. We would get the national marketing and established branding that comes with the franchise, but the ability to tailor daily operations to our values.

Two sites to check out if you're interested:
UKFranchise
US Franchise

I Punish Myself Part 3

Hubby raised an amazing point today.

He asked what role me receiving spankings as a child plays in me punishing myself as an adult.

Yeah, my husband is quite the thinker.

You know what, I think he's on to something.

Why do parents spank? To teach a child right/ wrong, appropriate/ inappropriate behavior.

Why do I punish? To teach myself right/ wrong, appropriate/ inappropriate behavior.

But in the same way that I'm not learning from my punishment, did I learn as a child or did I simply alter my behavior to prevent future punishments?

Ok, this is heavy stuff.

Am I over thinking?

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Gratitude Moment: Loving that each day brings a deeper understanding of me.

The Deal with Spending

I love gadgets, computers, electronics, cellphones, and all blinky, beepy things.

But lately spending money has become a reason for me to punish myself. I buy something on impulse then feel like crap later, or I buy something that I can justify needing in the moment, but then tell myself later that I could have waited.

Anyway, until the house is old, hubby and I decided as part of our minimalist plan that unless we BOTH can justify the immediate purchase, we'll get rid of something before buying something new.

It feels good.

Gratitude Moment: Thankful that I care to be frugal.

I Punish Myself Part 2

My hubby is the most perfect man for me. He understands me and knows me like none other. It blows my mind how intuitive, perceptive, and wise he is. He also has this amazing ability to get to "what's really going on" with me.

Ok, so here's what he told me today, it blew my mind:

"Baby, your way of handling the stress associated with inactivity, procrastination and mistakes is to punish yourself. You punish yourself, thinking that you will learn from your error, but you don't. You're not learning because you keep doing what you don't want to do. You make yourself feel better by punishing yourself. You need to start replacing your punishment with a proactive step toward getting you back on the right track."
MOVE OVER DR. PHIL!

How awesome is he!?!?!?

He's right.

Punishing myself makes me feel better in the moment, but it ultimately makes me feel worse about it because I'm not modifying behavior.

For example, I was supposed to send a fax to our phone company last Wednesday. When hubby reminded my about it, I felt bad (I should have remembered. I'm supposed to be perfect, remember.) So to teach myself a lesson, the plan was to go without food. Hubby caught me right as I was thinking the thought, and helped me replace it.

Instead of punishing myself by going without food, we would right the letter together. :-)

Hubby also is helping me to reprogram all the negative voices in my head.

Gratitude Moment: I'm thankful that God gave me the most perfect man for ME.

I Punish Myself Part 1

I have a HUGE issue with punishing myself.

It affects every part of my life and manifests everywhere.

Some back story:

I am bipolar 2.

I also have what's called an eating disorder not otherwise classified. That means that I am not classified as anorexic or bulimic, despite having attributes of both. I see myself as fat, although I'm not (anorexic) and I binge and purge (bulimic). Where the unclassified part comes in is that my eating disorder isn't fueled entirely by a desire to be skinny, but by my OCD and obsession with being clean.

Yup, I have an extreme obsession with keeping my insides clean and cootie-free, so I take laxatives.

Ok, how does this tie into the title?

Well, when I'm stressed or frustrated, I eat junk and then feel like crap. So, because I feel like crap and knew that I shouldn't have binged, I punish myself with laxatives.

That's just the beginning.

I have many books to read. I've stopped buying them, but I feel bad for not reading so I punish myself by wanting to shut off the cable.

I didn't drink as much water as I wanted to, so I throw away the juice mix.

I spent a lot money on spas, colonics and acne treatments, and then I binge, so to punish myself for wasting money, and not appreciating the money spent, I place myself on a crash diet and extreme skin care regimens.

If I let the house get to messy, it means that I don't appreciate our home and then I must sleep on the floor (hubby HATES this).

If I miss a deadline, forget to do something, make a mistake, take a wrong turn, anything...I punish myself to teach me a lesson.

After all, when you're punished, you're supposed to learn, right?

Introducing my amazing husband.

Grattitude Moment: So grateful for my husband's wisdom.

See I Punish Myself Part 2

This Old House

I've spent the last couple days preparing the house to be placed on the market.

We've hauled at least 3 truck loads of stuff to the dump and to and charities.

We were able to give LOTS of books to a local library, almost a library worth of books to a local accounting firm, and we a barebones computer and 2 laptops that we are having fixed, upgraded and will donate to some after school programs.

The house has a whole different feel now that it's cleaned. With the clean came some bip issues (or as hubby calls it: "it" issues.) But more on that later.

It'll make a great home for a good family.

Gratitude Moment: Thankful that I can feel good after giving. Thankful that my husband was wise enough to get me to understand that some things should be donated and not necessarily sold on craigslist.com.

"Well, I thought I was priority..."

Those were the words my mother said to me.

Are you kidding me?!?!

That's that bullshit.
The guilt trip.

The "put-me-first-so-that-you-have-no-time-for-your-own-life-and-when-your-life-isn't-making-any-progress-I'll-make-you-feel-like-shit" CRAP!

At the end of '07, I realized that my mother and I had a very unhealthy relationship. I would share details of my life hoping to get her approval only to be berated about what I was an wasn't doing well.

All my life, we have either been on speaking terms or at each other's throats. I had enough at the end of last year. I saw it, my hubby saw it, and it was time to end it.

What we had was some dysfunctional codependent in funk bullshit.

I started this year wanting to cut the umbilical cord from my mother. I lost my early twenty's raising HER son. My life and progress was stunted putting HER first.

I've spent at least the 3 years being bitter for where my life is and where I thought it could have been if I wasn't doing stuff for her.

How long did I really plan on blaming my mother?

How long was I going to allow her to run nmy life and dictate what I should and shouldn't do?

Notice I said allow. It was my fault. It takes two to have a dysfunctional relationship.

So, I cut the umbilical cord that connected me to her and kept me craving her approval. I would share only to be judged. I wouldn't open myself up only to have it thrown in my face.

"Well, I thought I was priority..." I didn't even flinch. I simply said "mother, I will talk to you later."

I am a woman.
I am a wife.
I am someone's child but I am NOT a child.

FREEDOM!

It feels great!

Grattitude Moment: I'm thankful for the wisdom that comes with growth.

Law & Order

I watched an episode of Law & Order SVU tonight It was about a man that raped and almost killed 3 young girls. He had a psychotic break after witnessing his sister’s rape at the age of 17. As a result he developed schizophrenia.

He was on Haldol until a year earlier when it stopped working. He was switched to Rhisperdol. The meds didn’t work, and it was then that he committed the crimes.

The debate was whether he should be sent to Louisiana to face the death penalty, or be tried in NYC where 2 of the 3 crimes were committed.

La and NYC cops wanted to see him on death row somewhere, but the DA disagreed. Although she was charged with prosecuting, she felt that had the man been on meds that worked, he would have never committed the crimes. He didn’t deserve death, but rather to be in a hospital.

In court, she made him so agitated that he had a psychotic episode and was subsequently declared 730 or mentally unfit to stand trial. He could neither be executed nor imprisoned for the crimes. He would go to a hospital.

It had a deeply emotional affect on me. And led me to ask the question: Am I one bad situation away from trial?

Are you?

Gratitude Moment: I'm thankful for my husband that is always honest with me; even when I don't want to hear it.

Over and Out

I forgot to tell you that I stopped the Lexapro.

I started on March 19th, and took it for 3 days. that was all I could take.

I lost 10lbs, and hubby was NOT happy.

My brain felt awesome! I was clear, I was able to think and to plan, and to be productive. If only my body would cooperate. I was so nauseous that all I could do was lay in bed!

So long Lexapro, my life doesn't permit 1 week of nausea; although my waistline looks great!

Gratitude Moment: Thankful that I didn't stay on the Lexapro ONLY to lose weight.

Random Stuff - Where's Bonnie?

I had a childhood best friend names Bonnie. Her birthday was April 3.

I haven't seen or spoken to her in well over 18 years, yet every April 3rd I think about her. Hmmmm.

Gratitude Moment: Thankful that I still have my memory.

Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum

I hate the name. What do you think?
Read More
Gratitude Moment: Thankful that I know that I am NO WHERE NEAR LAST YEAR!

Is it ME, or Work?

So I got a job, and they loved me. They really loved me.

Last Saturday I spent the day with them, kinda like a trial to see if they like me and I like them.

The verdict: They loved me MORE, and I think they suck.

They expected me to be in this past Saturday, but I didn't go. I didn't even tell them I wasn't coming.

The commute is too far (40 minutes), and the boss and I would ultimately have issues because he is much too free with his sexism and need for a bj.

What's my deal?

I swear, I don't know. Honestly, I really don't think this has nothing to do with being bipolar. Maybe I'm spoiled and accustomed to jobs where I come and go as I please and answer to no one. I know it's not the real world, but at 30, isn't it too late for me to learn "corporate America"?

I don't want to lie to anyone, I don't want to sell false dreams, I don't want to deal with people's insecurities with themselves, I don't want to deal with people's crap!

Why the hell does anyone need to work 8 hours a day anyway?

Can't you get it done in 4?

Hmmm. So, I'll keep looking.

Gratitude Moment: Thankful for a working computer.

Pardon Me ...

I've been gathering topics to write about, but I haven't been able to post.

I write them in my heads, but the words don't get to my fingers.

So tonight I will try to catch up. Here we go!

(Thanks to getafitbrain.com for the image.)

Happy April

I know, I'm 3 days late, but I'm here.

So, Tah-Dah! Summer is almost here!

I'm returning the "Grateful For:" endings to my posts. I found that I was a lot more cheerful when I did them.

Stay Tuned.