To My Father

I thought we had a good relationship.

In a choice between you and my mother, it was you all day long.

But now I ask Where were you?

It seems I’ve had to go through the hardest times of my life by myself; unable to talk to anyone; unable to confide in you.

Where were you when I was almost raped, when I was left on the side of a highway to walk for miles and figure out how to get back to a home where my aunt –your sister- didn’t give a damn about me?

Where was your anger for your sister who treated me like shit and disrespected me?

Where was your shame then?

Where were you when I stared at razors wishing I had the courage?

Where were you when I needed someone to talk to?

Where were you when I was losing my mind?

Where the fuck were you?

And now you judge me?

Interesting enough, I’m not angry. I’m disappointed, saddened, and understanding why this situation is yet again about you.

I’m changing my numbers; getting a new email and starting a life where you need not be in the audience. That way, I can be a disgrace to you no more.