I had a 6 hour road trip this weekend. With the exception of the thunderstorms, my trip to the destination was fine.On the way back, I decided to treat myself with a Dairy Queen Cookies and Cream milk shake.
I was concerned with being tired during the drive, so I followed my Dairy Queen Cookies and Cream milk shake with a Cherry Coke Chaser.
NOTE: I am VERY lactose intolerant.
I wanted it, and I was going to have it. I didn't have my lactaid pills with me, but I could handle it. My thought was I would FORCE my body to like dairy little by little. "I control you, body. Not the other way around!"
Maybe I should have started AT HOME . I swear the dairy and carbonation was the equivalent of a bomb!
1 hour from home, my stomach made a really odd noise.
I got extremely HOT.
Then bitter cold.
And then the sort of fear only present in a child as she enters an alleged haunted house on Halloween night.
SHEER TERROR!
CAN I OUT-DRIVE THIS BM!
Will I need to pull over into a ditch?
God, please help me!
I turned up the gospel music -already playing in the car-, loud enough that the deer could hear. "If my ears hurt I won't think about the terror attack on my loins", I thought.
And then I saw them - the Golden Arches!
"Just a little bit more Butterfly and you'll be ok."
In hindsight, this is funny as heck. In the moment ....well, I rather not relive it :-)
Gratitude Moment: I am so thankful for the 31,000 McDonald's locations.
5 comments:
That is so funny... it actually brings me back to a moment I had when a bunch of us were taking a 36hr road trip to San Fransisco. VERY similar situation! (And we stopped at a McDonald's too!) ;)
Glad you were able to laugh with the situation and share it with the rest of us :)
Oh, yeah.
Lactose intolerace can be evil! I used to have it pretty bad, but my body grew out of it, so there is hope for you! In fact, I drink milk everyday.
Back in the day of you-can't-eat-that-jenji-
it'll-destroy-your-insides...too-late--, I was thankful for any fast food restaurant, business establishment, market, movie theater, portopottie, outhouse or bucket (don't ask, it's not pretty).
However, I left most of these facilities looking like a crime scenes half the time. That condition is so angry and explosive!
sigh.
jena. lovey. seriously.
Shake+soda+moving vehicle?
I offer you sincere sympathy, empathy and more, but still I have no choice but to say,
you were SO fuckin' around, umkay?
Yer lucky you didn't return home with your undapants in yer purse, sister!
jenji
Too funny!! I hope you have learned your lesson.
I've done that! McDonalds after we'd just come down the mountain out of Yosemite. I was about to pull the car over a squat behind a tree when we saw the golden arches and I was saved.
My father can identify with the first part and I certainly have with the last part. Ain't McD grand? :)
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