God Gave Me a Break

Last March when I really felt like I was losing my mind, I prayed for a break. I thought the break would be found in a rehab ala Brittney Spears. My break actually came in the form of my husband.

He is the very definition of the man my heart knew, but lips couldn't articulate. He is my absolute best friend and the most amazing human being I have ever met.

He challenges me, supports me, scolds me when necessary, makes me laugh and is an absolute joy every single day of my life.

He takes great care of me. He ensures that I eat, work out, get enough rest, and ensures that I'm not too hard on myself.

I haven't worked since November '07, and he has motivated me to return to acting.

He gave me a wonderful Valentine's Gift - a Mercedes Benz C300!

That's great, but not as great as the Valentine's Day card he gave me yesterday. The last line of the poem (he wrote it) was "everyday with you is a Happy Valentines."

He is the best. I am so grateful to God.

Me vs You

In the last 2 months, I've manage to piss off/ anger/ upset/ hurt/ alienate 3 people.

At random moments in the day, I think about words spoken, question my tone, ponder what I would have done differently, and whether or not apologies are in order.

You know what?

I started this year wanting to be my most authentic self. I was sick and tired of being the person everyone expected me to be. Quite frankly, I think "acting" contributed to my difficulty in managing my bipolar disorder.

Did I hurt feelings? Yes, but I spoke my mind. I've heard it said that depression is anger turned inward. Much of my depression came from biting my tongue. I've stopped doing so, and I am feeling a lot more true to myself.

Was I harsh? Yes, but at that point in my life, I used the tools that I had. I thought about what I wanted to say to each person for a while, and then I said it. Sure, some things could have been sugar coated, but why? I chose me.

Life is about growing, learning, changing evolving. In a month, I may feel differently, but right now I am proud of myself and proud to be living authentically me for the first time in my life.

Butterfly Goes to the Doctor - Allergist

My side effects with medicines extend past Day/ NyQuil and Sudafed. It includes Aspirin, Tylenol, Codeine, Ibuprofen, etc.

Also, out of the blue, my throat staring closing after having shrimp, crab and lobster!

WHAT!? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

So that got me thinking: Am I suppose to trade being pain-free for itchy?

Surely you jest!

Next stop: The Allergist.

I need to know what I;m allergic to. I did it for household things like cats, mites, ragweed, but I totally forgot about doing it for medicine!

So, back to NYC to see the allergist.

There were so many things I had to be tested for that they divided them into two sessions.

Results: Allergies to nuts, bananas, mangos, wheat, barley, white and kidney beans and a host of other things. Good news: I already knew this. No surprise here.

I was also given a twinject in the event of an allergic reaction.

Butterfly Goes to the Doctor -Part 1

I had a head cold in January that wouldn't go away.

I was very successful with keeping it out of my lungs by using my asthma inhaler every 3 hours, but the post nasal drip, sore throat, and runny nose wouldn't go away!

Additionally, I had THE worst sinus congestion EVER!

Although I try to stay away from meds, I tried Dayquil and Nyquil, remember?

Result: HIVES

They went away, and then one day I blew my nose, and my ear popped. It popped so loud and hard that I had vertigo. I scared me and so I went to the ER.

Dr. Dumb Dumb recommended Sudafed and ASSURED me that it wouldn't give me hives.

Guess what?

MORE BLOODY HIVES!!!!!

Bigger, itchier hives!

I'm done. All medicine and officially go to HELL!

Peekaboo...

Hi there.

As I type, my left tricep is on a package of frozen Cascadian Farm Organic Broccoli. I have another bag under my left hip.

Why?

I don't have an icepack.

See, I've been having lot's of body issues lately. So many that they have triggered some bippy episodes (more on those later). Well, hubby was concerned that my frustrations would launch me into full swing eating disorder mode. Didn't want him worrying, so I went to the gym and got a trainer.

My thoughts were that I have too much going on in my life to plan work outs (more on that later, too).

I saw the trainer on Tuesday. I was excited.

You know what, skip the nice-ities. I know me! I know my body. I've had it all my life. I don't give a flying fluffball if you've been training people fr 25 years! Damn!

I told him that many of the exercises were too much weight. But he was "trying to gauge my fitness level". After running track, working in gyms, etc, I know what I need to do. I simply chose the lazy way out because the disposable income was there.

It's my fault, I bought the "don't quit" bullsh*t and now I’m laying on broccoli. I can’t work, can't run errands because I'm too sore!

NOTE TO SELF: Trainer fired.