Suicide Education Training

Yup, I'm doing it.

I found a certification program online, and I'm going to take it. Of course it would be a tremendous benefit to me. I would learn more about how I could help myself, but also about how I could help others, and help others help me.

I am also going to do the crisis counseling training. I think I would volunteer once a month on the hotline. Hell, who's better than me to talk to a person that wants to commit suicide, almost got raped, dealing with bipolar disorder or is very depressed.

What am I going to do with all the training?

I'm going to start talking to whomever an wherever I can book myself.  Maybe one day I went stand behind "thebipolarchick",  and will reveal who I really am.  All I can say, is that I do not look like how the world envisions people with bipolar disorder.

Stay tuned.

Evolution Part 1- Physical

Each day is an attempt at being better to me.

Who I am today is a reflection of all the work I've done in the last couple months; and I have been doing a lot of work.

As you know I've battled a mild eating disorder for quite some time. Well, I'm proud to say: "No throwing up since July!"

I did take laxatives last week, and although it was rooted in a desire to be healthy, I did overdue it by taking more than recommended. As a result, I had terrible stomach pains because of it, but hey, I'm evolving.

My weight- 128; down from 135. I want to get back down to my 118-125 range. But I'm comfortable with me right now and all my squishy parts.

My skin is the best its been in months! I would actually go without makeup right now, and wouldn't try to hide behind big hair, a hoodie or sunglasses.

I am very comfortable with me such that if my body never changed, I'd love it as it is.

Despite my personal successes, it amazes me how inconsiderate and insensitive people can be.

How do you tell someone "you gained weight", "your butt is growing", "what's wrong with your skin", or "why do you look like that"?

For example, I have weird shaped hips. Ok, they're not weird shaped, it's just that as I gain weight my body deposits fat on my hipbones that make them look weird to me.

Do you know that people have teased me about this? Yup, to my face when it is know that it is an issue for me.

I absolutely still have stuff to work on, but I also know that what makes people say mean things is THEIR stuff; insecurities, fears and flaws.

In light of my eating and bipolar disorder, I'm proof that people who "look" normal could really be dealing with a lot of stuff!

Well, y'all, I'm good with the physical me.

Real Talk

Staying positive is so bloody exhausting.

Truth

Truth

Truth

Truth is..

I've seen a return of the April anger.
Brain is scattered.
I'm paranoid.
I messed up twice at work.
I have a huge mess up on the horizon.

What's going on?

I feel tremendous pressure at work; it's kinda not fun any more.

I only want to be around people who make me laugh.

Real truth: I haven't been doing the work necessary to be well.

Why?

Too much going on at work, anger, annoyed, etc.

Out.

Truth Serum

If I took truth serum, these are the things that would come out. (It's part of my therapy.)

1. I would kill a cat.
2. I'd do almost anything to have my way.
3. Women can't be trusted.
4. Men can be forgiven.
5. People who don't like me are morons.
6. I can do anything reall well.
7. I want to be taken care of by a man.
8. People are annoying.
9. I'm the best.
10. I have a tail.
11. I'm not certain if I can really swim
12. I don't wash my face every night.
13. To get perfect pedicures, I've had silk and uv gel overlays.
14. I treat pretty people better.
15. I'm smarter than most people I know.

Just kidding on #10.

That's all for now.

Thankful for honesty.