Tired of Starting Over

I know that I'm not a weirdo, but how can I be so OCD, but yet, have conditioner in my hair for 4+ days under a shower cap, under a wig cap?

Who does that?

How can I check and recheck the alarm system, but get exhausted with taking a shower?

I made so much progress with my face. My skin was amazing, radiant, clear. But the mushrooms are back. My face looks like shit because I haven't washed it since Thursday.

Until I cycled high this morning and washed the dishes, I had a bowl with nuclear waste sitting in the sink. But I am OCD.

I swear to God. I hate this shit. I hate that I'm not the me that I liked and enjoyed and was so productive, and fun and dependable, and pretty. I'm a busted shell of who I used to be.

I'm tired of starting over. Each day I wake up is another day that I start from scratch; not where I left off yesterday, but from scratch! I'm in a perpetual state of rebuilding, over and over, and over and over.

FUCK!

Just when I think I have a handle on this..... I'm not happy right now.

Oooops, I DId it Again

Earlier today I was stressing about work, and had challenges calming down.

Well, know I'm breathing through my mouth. Yup, I am totally psychosomatic.

I'm in flannels, with Eucalyptus oil on my chest and neck. This SUCKS!

This must go away.

Bipolar's Bad Wrap

***MALE SQUEAMY ALERT***
Sometimes it's the simple things that we forget.

Dreamwriter reminded me of the simple things with a comment on my "A Question" post:We are woman and we are hormonal ... sometimes it is not all bipolar, Ya know?

EUREKA!

It just so happens that my cycle is due! Last month when I got wacky, it was also a week before my cycle began. I'm no Sherlock, but I think the two are related.

I've been so preoccupied with finding OTHER root causes for physical issues, that I completely ignored that there could be OTHER root causes for my emotional issues.

(The concentration issues are still there, but we'll tackle these babies one at a time).

Not EVERYTHING is a result of bipolar disorder.

So simple, but damn, oh so deep.

Thanks Dream.

Stupid Ipod!

I'm trying....HARD.

I do pretty good most days. When I'm good, I'm GREAT. When I'm Bad, I'm a HELLION!

I need to get a new Ipod. I bought the Ipod mini when they first came out. They were later discontinued because THEY SUCK!

I bought it 3 years ago, and it works great when connected to the in-car charger. I really do get to drive to all my favorite tunes. But then I try to get on the treadmill and it has the life of a 98 year old man!

I was so ready to workout and then POOF, it shuts off. GEEEEEZ!

So I threw it across the room. It was early in the morning, so no one really saw my tantrum. (Thank God! I was so ashamed later.)

Note to self: get an Ipod from craigslist with some Bose headphones. I can't justify paying $200 for a brand new one, and the shuffle thing is such a tease.

Spring/ Summer is coming. I need to go walking, and I sure as heck can't do it with a old geezer of an Ipod!

Home Sweet Home

Our house has really consumed our time and my thoughts.

Ok, consumed is an understatement. I'm manic.

I've always rented, never had a mortgage, and I really want to do things right.

We don't fall into the millions of Americans stressed out over the mortgage crisis and terrible adjustable rate mortgages. We have a really good situation, and for that I am thankful.

But we've gotta protect our assets, so that means homeowners insurance, property taxes, water/ sewer bills, and we've also been looking into mortgage life insurance.

What is it?

Well, if something happened to my husband or myself, our beneficiary would have a house.

GREAT?!

Maybe, if they can pay the monthly bill.

If not, they've just inherited a headache. So we're looking into this. Basically, the house would be paid off if anything happened to us. It would also provide them with a hell of a lot of equity.

Just one thing I've made myself manic by studying.

Sigh.