Saved By McDonalds - Monday Funny!

I had a 6 hour road trip this weekend. With the exception of the thunderstorms, my trip to the destination was fine.

On the way back, I decided to treat myself with a Dairy Queen Cookies and Cream milk shake.

I was concerned with being tired during the drive, so I followed my Dairy Queen Cookies and Cream milk shake with a Cherry Coke Chaser.

NOTE: I am VERY lactose intolerant.

I wanted it, and I was going to have it. I didn't have my lactaid pills with me, but I could handle it. My thought was I would FORCE my body to like dairy little by little. "I control you, body. Not the other way around!"

Maybe I should have started AT HOME . I swear the dairy and carbonation was the equivalent of a bomb!

1 hour from home, my stomach made a really odd noise.

I got extremely HOT.
Then bitter cold.

And then the sort of fear only present in a child as she enters an alleged haunted house on Halloween night.

SHEER TERROR!

CAN I OUT-DRIVE THIS BM!
Will I need to pull over into a ditch?
God, please help me!

I turned up the gospel music -already playing in the car-, loud enough that the deer could hear. "If my ears hurt I won't think about the terror attack on my loins", I thought.

And then I saw them - the Golden Arches!

"Just a little bit more Butterfly and you'll be ok."

In hindsight, this is funny as heck. In the moment ....well, I rather not relive it :-)

Gratitude Moment: I am so thankful for the 31,000 McDonald's locations.

My Hair!

OMG! I have hair... A LOT of HAIR.

I couple years ago I introduced wigs into my worlds. It started when I worked as a model for hair magazines. I wore wigs for the magazine and it was soooo easy. Also I HATED the damage done to MY hair when I modeled. Wigs are so easy.

So with that said, I haven't "worn" MY hair since 2004. Well, I washed my hair today and actually took the time to blow dry it, and OMG my hair is in the middle of my back!

My hair must grow with dirt cuz I sure as hell haven't touched it. I may wash it every other month (gross, I know, but I keep changing my wig caps, so it really hasn't been stinky. LMBO!

Hmmm, I'm thinking about returning to my hair.

Why?

I recognize that I hide behind my wigs. When I am feeling crappy, not pretty, or like acne has taken up residence on my face, I wear a big poofy wig to hide. I can't hide when my hair is in a pony tail.

I think I'm going to do it - one week with my hair, off my face.

Introducing.... Butterfly.

Gratitude Moment: Thankful that I recognize areas of my life that still need work.

Hubby, My Self Image & My Feet

I've long know that I am severely affection and attention deficient; it's one of the reasons why I have never had a desire to have kids. When I was younger I figured that I would want ALL of my husband's attention ALL THE TIME, so there would be none available for a child.

So, I know that I have the perfect husband for me. He compliments me A LOT and I soak it up like a spongy sponge!

His compliments of course are ALL true - I am the most gorgeous woman in all of the world, I do have the best body, smile, eyes, bum, body, toes AND I'm funny! :-)

But he also compliments me so I can identify reality and the BS in my head caused by bip and ED. He's paid specific attention to my ED and self -esteem issues. When I am embarking on a self -defeatist or self -destructive path, he knows how to get me back on the right track.

I looked at my feet today, and liked them.

Ok, what does my feet have to do with anything?

Well, I've always liked my feet. I think they're cute. Yet, one day I woke up and didn't like my feet probably because people I dated weren't really into feet or said I had long toes or something. But anyway, at some point I began to dislike my feet.

Well, I like them again; not only because hubby does, but I realize that they're mine and aren't bad at all! It made me realize how I've allowed other people's opinions and perceptions become my view of MY body.

How wack is that?!

I love my toesies!

Gratitude Moment: I am thankful that I recognize the need to reboot my mental computer.

I've Edited My Blogs

For those of you who have been reading from the very beginning, you've followed my saga through dating and now to being with my hubby.

If you reread any posts, you'll notice some edits. I've removed names of anyone that I've dated.

Why?

I like rereading my blogs and didn't want the memories;
Hubby is reading the blogs to learn more about me, and the names no longer mattered; so I changed them to "the guy I'm dating".

I delete some blogs altogether.

Hey, I'm making new memories, and these are the ones that matter.

Gratitude Moment: Thankful that I am no longer living in past relationships.

May is Mental Health Month

I know that there are NAMI Walks happening around the country.

I want to participate in one -either in MD or NYC.

Not sure how I'm gonna raise awareness, but trust me, I'm gonna find a way.

P.S. I've been thinking about "outing myself" on this blog. I said THINKING.

Gratitude Moment: Thankful that I am growing less ashamed of my illness each day.