Reoccuring Graduation Dream

I had it again.

It's the dream when I learn shortly before graduation that I don't have enough credits and can't graduate.

Why does it always pop up?

I wake up sad, in a panic, and mad at myself only to realize that I live in NYC, my degree is on the wall and in order to get that degree, I most certainly finished high school.

I'll play dream expert.

Maybe my subconscious self is concerned that I might not have what it takes to successfully live in MD, take care of a car, house, etc.

Whatever, I'm awake. Now, GO AWAY DREAM!

1 Year Symbolism

I ended my employment with my last employer 1 YEAR after starting.
I am leaving my apartment 1 YEAR after monving in.

Not sure what it means.

Maybe the last year of my life really was a bootcamp of sorts.

I think the year marks are pretty cool.

A Question

Can you trust your mind?

Lately, I've discovered that I can't be 100% certain about anything that comes from my head.

Recently I had someone account memories of travel that we did together. I remember none of it.

I've also manufactured memories to cope or to make myself feel better, but now I'm not certain of what really occurred and what did not.

While in college, my then bf told me that I should stop journaling and force my mind to remember. He thought journaling was my way of being lazy. No, it was actually my way of freeing my brain from the burden of the millions of thoughts that run through it each day.

So if it's written does that mean it's real?

Can't say that either because I've reread journals and was astonished by blatant lies written with such detail that I too question whether or not they ever occurred. My pdoc once said that I was text book PTSD, for after any traumatic event, I would construct an elaborate life to cope; much of which I actually did do.

Hmmmmm.

A 2nd Question:
Where does reality begin and the land of make believe end?

An Unquiet Mind

OMG!

Have you read this book?

Several people on the bip blogs have mentioned that I should read it.

Well, I finally got it, and it is not only a very scholarly and "outside looking in" approach to being bipolar, but it's also an amazing story!

I'm not yet finished, but I had so many "THAT'S ME" moments, that I lost count. One reviewer states that "Kay Redfield Jamison - the author who is also a psychiatrist - skillfully illustrates the creativity so often associated with mental illness." So true.

I've always felt that my mental issues were the result of my superior intelligence and creativity :-)

She touches on remission in the book, too.

It's a great read if you have any mental challenges, and an insight into our lives if you're close to someone who does.

Get here at Amazon.

Much Ado About To Do

While packing, I found so many "To Do" lists and "To Do Tasks" scribbled everywhere that I'm drowning in To Do

It seems that part of my OCD/CDPD is being obsessed with not remembering, and so I write EVERYTHING down. I'm obsessed with remembering to write, but where's the remembering to do part?

I guess I knew a day like today would come when I find all of my "To Do" lists and "To Do Tasks" and actually DO them.

A Question

Why have I not yet told my landlord that I'm moving?

In honor of this post, I added a new tag: Confrontation.

Moving to MD

Happy November all!

I'm moving to MD on Saturday and I'm so excited.

God has given me a tremendous blessing and an opportunity to get my head right, develop a routine far from the critical eyes and pressure of NYC.

I'm leaving NYC, but not my blogging fam.

See ya a little further south!