I did it again.
I went on an interview this week.
They wanted to hire me.
I ignored all of the calls.
Didn't I just write about giving away my power?
I had a talk about integrity with my husband. I think I lack integrity. He thought I was being hard on myself. Maybe I hate confrontation. Why the heck do I care that people spent time interviewing me and I don't want to work for them?
Why can't I just say "I decided to accept another offer?"
Oh brother.
I guess when I can do better I will. I want to. I really do. I feel so dumb for ignoring my ringing phone.
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2 comments:
It reminds me of how I feel after I went on a blind date in my early 20's and the guy totally liked me and I couldn't gather the courage to tell him I didn't feel the same way so he kept calling and I never responded. He got mad and told my friend who set us up that he thought it was rude of me not to just tell him the truth. Oops.
It came back to me one day when this really hot guy took me on a date and then another, and then dropped me (we didn't do so much as hold hands it was innocent but still!)
So there must be a humanness in us that doesn't like to deal with what we're not comfortable with. Maybe it threatens us in some way. Or takes away our freedom. Or the possibility of it. Who knows.
I'm just babbling.
Self-sabotage. The lower the self-esteem, the more we self-sabotage.
It's gotten better but I still do it.
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