I Have Permission

Am I sharing how I feel or simply being mean?

Oh, no, this isn't the "if you ask if you're being mean, then you are". Nope, not at all.

I'm all about "being my authentic self", right; and that means that I say how I feel as I feel.

Ok, some back story.

GROSS ALERT

I believe that there is a mind -body connection with everything. I've been dealing with constipation for quite some time. I TRULY believe that being constipated is about holding things in. I.E. thoughts and feelings.

I NEVER voice my discontent, displeasure, annoyance, or irk. I take peoples tantrums, bad attitudes, mean/ b*tchy comments and I simply shrug or smile them off. I cushion everyones feelings at the expense of my own.

NO MORE!

Yup, I'm all about NO MORE CONSTIPATION, but better than that, NO MORE SUPPRESSING FEELINGS TIL I POP!.

So, my sister told me that I needed to "start releasing age appropriately".

Dr. Phil My Sister Seems to frown upon my recent "bursts of truth", like today when I called my aunt a b*tch.

Yup, I did. Why? She's been terribly and consistently mean to me for some time. I would suppress my disappointment, sadness and rage, and today was the day to assert myself.

I'm not spazzing, just asserting myself.

She called me today when I tried to spare her some embarrassment, and she yelled and cursed at me. It wasn't even a thought! I told her to shut up, I let her have it and then I hung up.

Guess what?

I felt sooooo much better!

My sister's take is that I should have hung up or had a more diplomatic conversation.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

That's what I've done for 30 years!

I've always been the "for peace sake" chick. That's why I'm constipated!

NO MORE!

My reaction wasn't about her or any other person. It's about ME! It's about MY healing. MY peace. MY happiness. MY loving ME.

So, what did I learn?

Well, I know how to approach similar situations in the future, but also that it's ok for me to feel and to share my feelings. I should aim to express constructively, but if there is a choice of my hurt feelings or someone elses bruised ego. I will BRUISE ALL DAY!!!

I've already mastered "Coddling and No Hurting Others' Feelings 101", but now I want my Masters in "Butterfly Has Permission to Feel Whatever She Wants"!