My Bipolar Frustration

A diagnosis of bipolar disorder does a lot to a person; especially after they realize that the diagnosis is true.

It has a sneaky way of making you second guess every choice, every decision, action, reaction. It makes you unsure of so much.

There are seemingly 3 types of reactions:

Buckle – The frustration of indecision compels you to refrain from all decision making.

Coma - Overwhelmed with the influx of “to do or not to do”, you become numb and remain stagnant.

Perfection - Afraid of inaction, you commit to make a decision and see it though to the end.

I am the perfectionist.

I am self – aware, yet I am simultaneously my biggest critic.

I think and analyze, and think and analyze ad nauseam. For the most part, I keep up appearances that my world is perfect and together, but then comes a mistake.

No jury, no teacher, no parent or significant other can punish me worst than I punish myself.

A flaw revealed is not the end of the world; but it sure as heck feels like it.