What does it mean to support?
People say they want support.
I say I want support.
But what does support mean?
You know what?
I realized today that "support" means something different to everyone.
For me, support means "match and mirror"; match my mood and mirror my interactions.
If I'm talking, speak.
If I'm NOT talking, shut he f*ck up!
Don't call me excessively, don't try to come by, and don't impose on my privacy. PERIOD.
For me, being supportive means being available to talk if I need to talk; being available for a meal or movie or whatever I need at the time that I call.
But, that's support for me.
Apparently I give support differently because my support-iveness was called into question this week.
I simply treat people like I want to be treated.
I don't do the excessive calling, texting. I match and mirror. Well, OK, to be honest, I treat chicks and men differently. (Yup, back to my chick issues. I AM working on them, btw.)
Men say that I am eternally loyal and supportive, and than my maternal instinct kicks into high gear when they are in need. Chicks think I disappear. (I think girls need more than I know how to give right now.) Honestly, sometimes, I don't know what is expected from me. I just do what I would want.
Ash, Amanda, Onemeanmutha, Amber, Anonymous Mom, Am I tough, callous and harsh since going into "remission"?
Do you think I am judgmental and acting "holier than thou"?
I HAVE NOT forgotten what frustration feels like, I'm simply doing everything I can CUZ I AIN'T TRYIN TO GO BACK!!!!!
Anyway, when you throw mental issues and chemical imbalances into the pot, I guess the support definition changes.
If I am suicidal (FOR REAL), yeah, step in.
If I am fighting, step in.
If I am acting irrational (FOR REAL AND OFTEN), step in.
If I am keeping to myself, leave me alone. I'm different. I'm very introspective. I withdraw to think, to regroup, to process and to plan my next move.
When I withdraw, unless I am harming myself, that's not a clue to turn on the Scooby Doo chase music!
I think people with chemical imbalances and mental illness need understanding and truth.
Gain understanding via research.
Give me truth because sometimes I can't see it.
I feel great.
I really do.
For the first time in a long time, I am neither in physical or mental pain. I attribute how I feel to understanding and truth.
An ex reminded me of how strong I was in the past, and was so confident that I could get back there, that he made me believe. He studied everything about bipolar and coupled what he discovered with what he knew of me, to give me the truth I needed.
You know what, I'm not apologizing for how I feel.
So grateful for, doing me. No matter how other people might view it. I'm a work in progress.
2 comments:
I think "watch and mirror" is a good approach. I try to do it whenever possible in hopes that people will do it with me. ;)
Am I tough, callous and harsh since going into "remission"?
Not to me. I am familiar with this phase so I know better than to take it personally.
Good. thank you.
I wish people would see that I'm trying for me. My battle may not be the same as their's but it's still a battle.
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