Who do u confide in when you're afraid to trust?
Do we need someone to confide in?
Is that my estrogen talking or do all humans need interaction?
Ok, so next question: what is my issue with women? Why is it so easy for me to talk & gush with men? And even if I do talk & gush to a woman, why to I regret it shortly thereafter?
Why do I then "rewrite" history and feed then the version I want them to believe?
Its like damage control PR.
I hold a press conference and release the statement that I want chicks to believe.
Is this the "I-hate-women-because-I-hate-myself" thing?
Is this the "if-any-woman-is-close-to-me-&-know-my-secrets-she-can-use-them-against- me" thing?
Seems more complex than that.
Is this the "I-have-issues-with-women-because-I-had-have-issues-with-my-mother" thing?
Hmmm.
See this is the stuff my dumb ass t-doc didn't get to. She sucked, and now I search for a new therapist & anger management as a condition of my release.
You know what's also weird: I don't even give the whole truth here because at least 5 people know that I have it, and so I filter what is written.
I know what you're asking: how do u expect people to know the real you if you don't show the real you?
I don't expect people, just men.
Therein lies my issues. I really don't like or trust women. I want to know why, and I want to fix it.
I have good women around me- flawed, but who isn't? Don't they deserve to get back a little of what they give to me?
Hmmm.
2 comments:
Women and I...big, complex issue, which didn't improve by marrying a guy who'd happily shag all of them given half a chance...
It got better once I stopped looking at people as "men" and "women" and just asked: "Is s/he a decent person? Or is it someone who wouldn't think twice of hurting me just because s/he feels entitled to something?"
It's possible to determine this if you observe their behavior carefully over a period of time.
Not having friends is more a matter of choice now...
I am so following your train of thought, but there is a blockage- I don't see chicks as "human and good people". I see them as the enemy that I strategically permit around me.
Its weird cuz I have a best friend, and we've been fine until I started acting weird recently. She's great, but I'm not sure what my deal is. Hmmm.
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