I Was the Other Woman

About 3 times.

Great men, married 6+ years, with whom I had GREAT conversations.

Attraction lead to our meetings, but each relationship progressed because we would talk soooooooo much. We had a lot in common. They were all great men.

What married women fail to understand is MEN LIE. Period. People lie to get what they want or a chance to explore if someone is what they need.

I was lied to. With "Guy A", I had zeroreasons to suspect a wife. With as much time as we spent together, there was no way a wife was allowing that!

There were never excuses, never "only late night meetings", or "can't see you's". None of that. We discussed marriage, and I was convinced that I had found my "the one".

It wasn't a Ricky Lake episode where I missed all the signs, either.

I found out when the wife called me.

My world was crushed.

We spoke soooo much. How did he NOT find an opportunity to tell me that he was MARRIED?!?!?!?

I think I had a bipolar blackout. I had too many emotions bubbling to think clearly and what followed was an anger, hatred, frustration, hurt and confusion-filled haze.

But I still felt love. Yes, still love.

Love doesn't have a switch. If the love was earnest, you're still in love with the lover that shattered your love, long after all is revealed.

"Well, the love was based on a lie, so it couldn't be real and therefore easy to walk away from." Ludicrous. The love was real. Every moment was real when we were together.

I chose to end it.

Before your applause, know that although the "physical" aspect of the relationship ended, their were still very open emotional wounds. The man who was my best friend had hurt me, and as twisted as it seems, I turned to him to help fix it.

I hated him, but getting a "why" helped me heal.

Maybe I knew that the hatred and hurt would consume me if I didn't forgive, but began to understand his state of mind.

I understood how a "good" man who married because it "seemed like the right thing to do" could grow apart from him wife.

I understood how not having ideal situations at home would keep you at work with opportunities to meet me.

I understood how the one place where he didn't have the reality of his sucky life was with me.

I even understood how he subconsciously wished his wife would find out and they could have an amicable divorce without me ever finding out because he was too spineless to take a stand.

I didn't excuse it, but I understood.

When the wife called me, she didn't say "Butterfly, I'm sorry to inform you, but your boyfriend is my husband." Noooooooo. She said, "You, sl*t, b*tch! I'll come to your job, you home wrecking wh*re!"

She assumed my guilt; assumed that I knew about her and intentionally set out to "break up her happy home". She was mean to me.

So with each call I took from her apologetic husband STILL professing his love for me, I laughed at her. She deserved her sorrow! I was JUSTIFIED!

What!? How could I say such a thing?

She didn't care that I was hurting, and I sure as hell wasn't gonna care about her. She won. She had the man! She was going to torture him just to the point before he would leave her for good. Why did she need to keep calling, me?

Each time there was an issue in their marriage, I was to blame, and she would call me again and again and again.

Other woman or not, I got tired of it. I needed healing, too. I didn't ask for this just like she didn't. So each call was an opportunity for me to exact my frustration and hurt on her, but also to hurt her for being mean to me.

Mean. I know. But, she made it easy for me to be mean.

Ultimately, I forgave him (and all the others). I realized that we could never be friends. Too much had happened. Also, by continuing our conversations, they still had what made them lie in the first place - the emotional connection to me. They were still cheating because ever so often despite my desire to move forward, they still brought up a "remember when".

My parting advice to them: If she's worth it, go home, apologize, accept being in the dog house and work like mad to regain her trust. If she's not, forget about waiting until the kids graduate. Man up, get a divorce.

At present: 1 divorce, 1 separation, 1 reconciliation.

The divorced guy realized that he didn't/ couldn't be with her.
The separated guy is taking time to figure out what he wants.
The guy that reconciled realized that he didn't try hard enough.

My point: It was never about me, but about the state of their marriages.

Never shared this before. Just venting, I guess.