Am I Still Bipolar?

It's still a question I've asked several times this summer.

My March and April 2007 are but a distant bad memory; a memory I never think about unless reading other blogs, chatting with family, or if I'm having a challenging day.

I try not to think about it. Being bipolar consumed my thoughts in March and April 2007, and I'm proud that I've been able to move past seeing myself as a diagnosis. To be honest, I am kinda annoyed that I know what the diagnosis is.

As much as I was relieved that there was a term to describe the way I felt and that I now had a community of people who felt as I did for support, I felt it also gave me an "out". By an "out" I mean an excuse. I think opted out of decisions and tasks several times by permitting myself too much time to decide what was bipolar and what was simply me.

Truth is, once you know, you can never un-know.

So, how do I feel?

A little afraid.

It's not as hot in NYC; the sun is setting earlier which means Fall is near and diminished daylight is closer. For me who is seemingly Seasonally Affected, I am not jumping for joy.

To be honest, part of my desire to be closer to the guy I'm dating stems from me knowing that the season is about to change. I feel like I need someone to monitor my behavior. Tough job for him, but hey, he needs me to ensure he doesn't go over 10 on the angri-o-meter. So it should really work.

I still get angry.
I still get sad.
But I have better coping mechanisms, and some people helps me through.

Stay Tuned.