In the last couple years, I've begun to equate how much a man cares about my well being by how much he is willing to do for me financially (among other things).
I don't make as much money as I did during other periods of my life, and until such a time returns, any man in my life should take up the slack.
I was a massage-a-week, spa-a-month girl. I haven't been in a while, but any man that cares about me should know that those things make me relaxed and happy, and should ensure that I am relaxed and happy.
(DD did send me to the spa on Monday.)
It only makes sense to me: how can you say you care about me, but I'm stressed or unhappy?
It blows my mind that some women (yes, I've retired "chicks") will date a guy who is unwilling to contribute to their well being.
What is well being?
- How do I get to and from work?
- Am I taking the train at night?
- Is there food in my fridge?
- Do I have money?
- Am I happy with work?
- How can I make more money?
- When was my last vacation?
- Am I stressed?
- Could I use a spa day?
- How much money remains after paying bills?
This week, a friend kinda suggested that I was borderline "gold digger". So, not true. I'm not saying that every woman should do as I do, but it only makes sense.
Can't you do bad by yourself?
How can I date a man that won't give or repay my cab fare to get to him?
How can I date a man who is ok with me taking the train at 10pm?
How can I date a man that wants me to stay over, but doesn't care if I have food?
How can I date a man who wants me to go out, but doesn't care if I have clothes to go?
How can I date a guy who wants me happy and perky, but won't discuss or research being bipolar?
How can I date a man that knows about "bipolar", but does nothing to alleviate my stress?
How can I date a man who's interest ends at "what time are you coming over"?
I'm all for an adult relationship. Adult is recognizing that I can do it on my own, but as a man in my life, your role is to ensure that I am worry-free. I'm so past being the (trumpets on) New Millenium Independent Woman (trumpets off). I've always been old fashion relative to male/ female roles. I have the "women-tend-to-the-home, men-work-and-take-of-home" mindset.
Still, my father would do anything for me. Why the hell am I with a man who merely wants to sleep with me? For what?
Sex is so overrated.
Shortly into our relationship The Italian gave me an Amex to ensure that if he was unable to get to me, I would always have access money. He told me upfront that I should use my money for important things. He took care of rent, hair, nails and spa.
Adult was him knowing how much money I made, realizing that he made much more, and that he had the disposable income to ensure that I wanted for nothing.
Hey, this isn't for everyone, but it is life as the Butterfly.
Grateful that I am so past deluding myself on what is important to ME.
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3 comments:
When I was in my early and mid twenties before I met my fiance, I only dated financially secure men who were willing to take care of me financially. It worked for me then, as in, it worked for the person I was then. I had lawyers, stockbrokers, and professors in my arsenal of men to take care of me and care for me and in return I was what they needed me to be at the time. I wasn't a size two, but I didn't have to be. It wasn't necessarily my body they were interested in and I can honestly say, I didn't have sex with 99% of them. But it was thrilling and it made my life much easier. I was a spa, mani/pedi girl. I had credit cards from three of them, forwarded all my bills to one of them and one of them gave me the seed money to open my own business which I still run. I soon realized that those were not relationships; They were business arrangements and eventually I wanted more than that.
I met my current lover and fiance, he was the one who was right for my soul even if he wasn't exactly what I was used to in the thick wallet department. So now I love him. We live in a cute house with a cute dog and we grow our own food and he provides what I need even if it isn't always what I want and I get to work at home and create my art 24/7 while he provides everything else. I miss the spa, mani pedi life, but I wouldn't give it up for the wide world if it meant giving up this man I've found. I tend the home and he makes the money and it's perfect.
I "get" a lot of the posts about your life as I used to live a life very similar.
I grew up with this mentality, so I get it, I really do. Nothing wrong with it, I say, as long as both sides are happy with it, expectations are clear, and precautions are firmly in place. :)
I totally understand both of your perspectives. I guess for me, caring about a great guy AND having him financially stable is best.
I don't seek out men "with money", they kinda come to me. I guess I luck out in that way. There's no disussion to have really, we care about each other, and part of that care includes ensuring that I want for nothing.
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