The Italian Has Left the Building....

...well, kinda. He doesn't want to go. I sent him the following email on Saturday:

Here's truth.

With each passing day that I didn't get what I wanted and needed from our relationship, I slowly withdrew.

I could play the role and pretend that things are the same, but they're not.

I don't see it the "us" any more, and I'm no longer looking.

I've always cared about you. I've never lied, never caused you stress. Even when my world was attacked and I had every reason to strike back, I protected you.

Truth is, "us" has never been about me, but about you.

I've been ready, ready for quite a while. Ready to be the solo queen of a king. But the truth is, you're not ready for what I want (no fault of your own), but I not longer have a desire to wait for you to fix you.

Change is scary for you. Not impossible, but scary. The very thought of change is making you sick. You are okay with sticking a toe into the water, but can't dive in.

I'm 30, I'm happy, and I want someone to share the rest of my life with.
I want to make lunch, run baths, do laundry, pick up dry cleaning, be a trophy, buy gifts, have gifts bought for me, be spoiled, be in love, be free to be me, love openly, appreciate and admire, travel, and be respected, admired and appreciated up close, not from afar.

Truth is, I want all of this now, and I did want that with you, but you're not ready to dive in.

I'm a hell of a catch, do bad you're not ready and equipped to reel me in.
I want my freedom absolute, but I can't have it because you are afraid of it.

To be honest with myself is to say I love you with all my heart, but I need, want and deserve so much more than you can offer.

Yup, I sent it.

Was it motivated by the guy I'm dating now? Nope, just by growth.

So grateful that I don't feel the need to hold on to him.