This won't be popular, but hey, I figured you stuck by me through my rants, tantrums & breakdowns. So, you'd at least read and ponder the question before burning me at the stake.
Yup, I meant the question: Do You Deserve Your Disease?
What would make me ask such a thing?
See, I simply can't believe that "bad things happen to good people". Rather, I believe that bad things happen to people (all people) who have bad thoughts and good things happen to people (all people) who have good thoughts.
I'm reading "As a Woman Thinketh", and it made an amazing point: To say that a bad thing happened to a good person, and to conclude that it was totally unfair is to presuppose from a superficial view that the person was ALL good.
Meaning, good people have bad thoughts and can do bad things; hence, bad things CAN happen to them.
No one is ALL good, and until a person has removed every speck of ill from their life, they are unfit to conclude that their suffering is wrongful repayment for virtues and good deeds.
Everyone wants to be a m*thaf*ckin victim and martyr, but if we're honest and do an assessment, many of us are some evil b*tches.
Don't believe me?
Reread my March & April posts. LOL!
It may be too much for some to ponder, but I'm diving in. SWISH!
I can be a mean, vindictive, selfish, misogynistic, hateful, vengeful, venom- spewing, bigotty, bratty BITCH.
For me to say that I don't deserve to be bipolar is for me to say that I am unjustly suffering for being an angel to humanity; which just isn't true.
I don't deserve to be bipolar? Really?
Well, butterfly, what would have been a more fitting punishment for you laundry list o crimes against humanity?
Schizophrenia?
Tourettes?
MS?
Lose a limb?
Blindness?
Cancer?
Death?
Hell, what gives me the right to think I should NEVER suffer, ever?
What gives me the right to place suffering in a hierarchy and choose what I deserve?
Who the hell do I think I am?
Jesus was the son of God & He was crucified!
And my (at times) triflin ass wants a get out of jail free card?
Who's really being unfair now?
The point: Bipolar is what I see when I CHOOSE to look at it. If I busy myself with infusing my world with all things good, I'll be having too much fun on the return of my positivity to notice or have time for a mood swing.
Disclaimer: Thoughts represent what's applicable to ME.
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2 comments:
Shit happens. Maybe it doesn't happen for a reason, but if I look hard enough I'll find one.
I feel, for example, that my own issues help me understand my son a lot better. This alone makes it bearable for me, if nothing else.
Shit sure does happen, and you know what sux?
Shit doesn't announce when it's coming or how long it plans on staying around!
I'm trying to make sens of my life, and if it's helping anyone to feel better, then everything I've been through, February until now, has been worth it.
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