Frequently Asked Questions

1. Why am I Named Butterfly?
Butterfly is my name because I have been living in the cocoon on societal and family expectations. After much internal struggle and silent screams, I have broken free and I am learning to use my wings.

2. What’s my age?
30

3. Where do I live?
New York City

4. When was I diagnosed?
February 2006

5. When did I start meds?
February 2007

6. Why did I stop taking meds?
I went through a really bad withdrawal in April 2007. I was out of meds, and my pdoc went MIA. The withdrawal landed me in the hospital, in pain and pissed off. Being off the meds was so bad that I chose not to return.

7. What do I do to cope?
My make my first thought of the day “Thank you God for another day.” I pray then spend a couple minutes meditating. (I’m working my way up gradually.)

I take Omega 3, Valerian Root (to help me sleep), and try to drink water (not doing as well as I’d like). Gonna incorporate some yoga this week.

8. Anyone else in my family with a bipolar dx?
Dx – Sister, brother, aunt, cousin
Undx – Father, aunt, grandfather, uncle

9. How has being bp affected my life?
Positively – I am very self aware. I monitor my thoughts an behavior to make improvements; I no longer feel as alone. Knowing that there is a term for how I feel and that other people feel the same way I do is comforting.

Negatively – At one point I analyzed everything entirely too much. It was maddening at times. Sometimes I’m frustrated; just want to be the way I was.

10. Any fall outs from family/ friends since the dx?
Mother uses my dx as a reason to judge everything I do. In error, I called her when I was really manic, right before going to the hospital, and she won’t let me forget it.

Also I was fired from my job for not being durable. Go figure.

11. What are my triggers?
Mania - MY MOTHER, when people yell, curse or be condescending to me, lies

Depression – Thinking about my past life; any relationship issues.

12. Any other dx?
OCD and bulimia; I’ve always been OCD; I simply justified it as me being a neat freak. Bulimia has been in effect for a while on and off. I take laxatives, and have thrown up a couple times. My reality check came in July when I was diagnosed with a tear in my esophagus. I won’t be throwing up any more because it hurt like hell.

13. Drugs/ Alcohol?
None are habits. I’ve smoked weed just to do it. I seldom drink when out. Maybe one drink, socially. I drink alone. I have a low tolerance, so I can drink 6 wimpy wine coolers and it will help me sleep.

14. Are you in a relationship?
Yes. He is very supportive.

15. When did you first notice something was weird?
I get really paranoid and think that people are out to get me. Hence I’ve initiated over 8 legal proceedings. In hindsight I overreacted in 98% of the cases, but I felt justified.

16. Worse thing I’ve done while manic?
Threw cell phones, attacked an ex and broke his chain, send pictures of a roommate and her ex to her NEW bf, start law suits, wrecked apartments, moved…a lot.

17. Worse things I’ve done while depressed?
Disconnect from the world – no phone, no TV, no interaction; gotten drunk, blacked out.