Suicide

I have to talk it out.

This can't exactly be the life I'm gonna have for the next how many years.

See days like today are when the suicidal thoughts enter my mind.

I'm too much of a chicken to do it.

I care too much about other people to make them sad, and I know that because I know better, doing it reserves me a spot in the itchy seat in hell.

I'm so pissed.

Is it that bad?

It sure as hell feels like it, and when there's no end in sight, makes you wanna hold a yard sale of all your stuff and be a hobo.

What am I doing?

Yea, there are people living with this everyday, and they don't have access to medication. I know that it can be worse, but I'm not thinking or talking about anyone else's reality. I'm thinking about my own. I need coping mechanisms.

My therapy sucks because I think they should have given me some coping skills for 3 in the morning when I'm standing and looking at a wall trying to figure out what the hell to do next.

Where is the 10 Steps to Calming My Ass Down?
Where's the Relax in 5 Easy Steps Pamphlets?

Why the hell am I paying a therapist when much o' the sh*t I deal with isn't happening in that 45 minute block?

She is so getting muthaf*cking cancelled.

What's the benefit?

I get things out here on blogger.

What? 2 sessions isn't enough?

Well I rather buy Sweedish fish with the $25 I give her each week.