85 Things About Me

0. I've been diagnosed Bipolar 2. That means I hang out on the depression side a lot more than the manic side.

1. Depending on who’s taking the measurement, I can be 5’6” or 5’8”, but I am 5 foot 7.5 inches

2. I have an eating disorder. I guess its bulimia. I obsess about ridding myself of toxins from food, and take laxatives to do so.

3. I faint when I’m stressed or break out in hives. Yup, very psychosomatic.

4. My favourite food is pasta, noodles, macaroni, whatever. I like Italian food and men. I also like Caribbean and southern cuisine.

5. I like being by myself. Although lately I’ve been questioning if its healthy for me to be such a lose..um, loner.

6. I ran away when I was 3 years old. I got as far as the mailbox and returned when my mother told me that the kids in foster care would steal my clothes and stuffed animals.

7. I am the middle child, and what a typical middle child I am.

8. My favourite colour is red. I like that it’s signifies hot, danger and stop or I’ll hurt you.

9. My favourite numbers are 4, 7, and 17. I kinda like 9, too.

10. I’ve never won lotto, but I did win $400 when I gambled in West Virginia. I don’t think I’ve ever won a raffle.

11. I read a lot. Self –help and business books mostly. Sometimes I read 4 books at once.

12. I used to be a morning person. Now I’m a 6pm – 2am person. What’s that?

13. I’ve dislocated my collarbone, but I’ve never broken a bone.

14. I would like to have board games because I think a social person should have some, but who would I play with? I don’t allow people into my home.

15. I hate waiting. Don’t make me wait. I will leave. I’ll do without. Waiting sux.

16. I smoked weed once. My brother does it and I wanted to see what the big deal was. Well, I did it wrong the first time. I was doing it with a friend who was more concerned with me wasting it than giving instruction. I did it (mind you, I am asthmatic), and went right to sleep. Good for sleeping, but not good as perfume.

17. I wear clear contacts. I have glasses, but apparently they are ugly. The Italian laughed at me when he saw them. Such a f*cking arse! So, I wear them at home.

18. I work for the owner of my company. Everyone else can go to hell. I like him. Not like in the romantic sense although I’m sure he’d like to bone me, but hey, no job, no insurance, no meds. So, I work.

19. I’ve never been married. Wanna know why? Cuz I’m a f*cking married man magnet. I attract unhappy husbands. I need to figure out what it is they smell on me and burn it off with a blow torch! I’d like to get married, but first I need to find a guy. Hey, will two bipolars make a bippy baby? Why even chance forcing a child to live with two bips.

20. I’m honest. I tell the truth; even when it’s hard to say. I don’t lie. I even hate withholding. Why? Well, if I tell the truth, there’s no need to remember anything. I also can’t hide my emotions. If I don’t like you, it shows on my face and I stay away from you. I’m not a fake ho.

21. I spend too much on food.

22. I’ve lost ambition.

23. I love Monk. Makes my OCD seem special instead of weird.

24. I LOVE Law & Order, SVU and CI. I watch it from 6pm to midnight weekdays and all weekend long. Yup.

25. I won’t fall asleep with the TV on. I truly think The Man sends subliminal messages while I sleep.

26. I have 31 known addresses on my credit report. In the 6 years that I’ve lived in new york, I’ve lived in 12 different places. Hmmm, could be mania, maybe.

27. I went to college. Took a semester off, but stayed on campus in my room. I was depressed.

28. I have an obsession with feet. Not only my feet, but feet in general. Mine are always french pedicured. I like nice feet. Ugly feet make me wretch.

29. I hate messing with my hair. I often wear wigs.

30. I used to swallow 12 pills a day to cure myself – vitamins, supplements, herbs, laxatives. This was before Lexapro and seroquel.

31. I save everything. I have my first 8th grade test taken in a public school. I have the wrapping paper from the bottle of perfume that my first boyfriend ever gave to me in 11th grade.

32. I think I deserve things just because I’m me. I think I’m special-er.

33. I’m not a label whore. I think $20 jeans fit me better than expensive ones.

34. I hate cats. I think they should be extinct. I’d lead the helm to make it happen. They’re nasty, sneaky, dander-laden, mousetraps.

35. I have a great body. I know that, but I still don’t like it.

36. I obsess about my skin, and make unconventional ways of being clean. I exfoliate a lot, use several types of cremes for different body parts, and yup, laxatives. I really think you act weird when there are toxins in you. Get the toxins out and you’ll be fine-er.

37. I cry a lot by myself; for everything and nothing.

38. I know that I have special powers. I believe that in their darkest most painful moments, my face flashes across the eyes of every person who has ever done me wrong.

39. I talk to Ralph, my stuffed bear. I sleep with him, Napolean, Hamilton and Bonnie. Yup, all stuffed. When no one is awake at 3am, they understand my silent scream.

40. I have issues being friends with women. Not sure why. Maybe I should blame my mother. But I like men until they start to like me. That always muddle things up.

41. I have played out scenarios in my head where I beat people up and/or torture them. That’s why I’ve never watched horror movies- too much going on in my own head, why add more? Also, I think that’s why I’m fascinated with Law & Order, CSI and the like. Maybe it reminds me that I can’t get away with the stuff I think.

42. My childhood nickname was sunshine and smilie. Right now, I might as well be dark cloud or cruella. After a lifetime of caring about other peoples feelings, I love that lately, I just don’t give a sh*t.

43. I believe in spirits – good and evil. I know that angels hang out with me, and I know that some people have tried to send demons to me, but I repel them.

44. I talk in my sleep sometimes.

45. I make myself dream sometimes.

46. I’ve never been in a fight. To be honest, I’m afraid I might kill the person and spend a lifetime in jail because the jury wouldn’t believe beyond a reasonable doubt that it was self defense.

47. I make my bed sometimes. When I do, I MUST spray each layer with Lysol. It keeps the cooties away.

48. I like heels. I have great legs.

49. I don’t cook, but every ex did.

50. I’m really not the cooking, baking domestic type. I’ll buy the damn cookies.

51. I wish I could punch some people in the mouth and make them spit their teeth like chicklet gum.

52. I don’t drink much because I know that I have an addictive personality.

53. I am evil when I’m manic. I have punched ex’s. I broke a chain and slapped someone in the face once. I am also known for spitting and throwing phones. I’m good for stomping my foot and sitting down wherever I am and refusing to move until I have my way. I guess that’s bip meets brat.

54. I always get even. Always. I’m very strategic with my revenge. I think for hours and days on how exactly I can bring the person the most pain. Sometimes it’s sending pics of them with a lover to the current boyfriend, suing, having them arrested at work, or getting them fired. They shouldn’t have muthaf*ckin crossed me!

55. Pretty people have life easier. I am pretty. I don’t deserve all of what I get.

56. I believe in Karma, boomerang, sowing and reaping, etc. I try to be good. When I’m bad, people pushed me to do it, so they get the bad karma, not me.

57. I’m gonna be 30 and it seems old.

58. I hate my college boyfriend for changing the script with a breakup. The script was married at 24, first child at 28.

59. I have eaten something that fell on the floor. No one was looking.

60. I would want to be on the Real World, but I’d so need to be on meds.

61. I have a million thoughts in my head at any given time. Okay, not a million, but at least 19.

62. I hate injections, and seeing blood makes me hurl. I know, I know.

63. I believe that evil spirits are chased away when I pray and tell them to go.

64. I hate people who clip their nails in public.

65. I love completing surveys and questionnaires and personality tests.

66. I’ve peed outside.

67. I really don’t like talking on the phone.

68. I can be a b*tch.

69. I’d like to buy random people braces, contacts, houses, cars, and hair.

70. I’m “black” and I use tanning booths.

71. I am afraid of cooties and toxins.

72. I’d like to have my younger sister’s skin and older sister’s feet.

73. I hate when people walk slowly.

74. Some days I wish I could collect SSI and welfare and stay at home.

75. Hair doesn’t grow on my legs all the time. I Nair about 6x/ year.

76. I have big eyes. Nice big bambi eyes. Not sure how I feel about them.

77. I think itches are a sign of cooties and toxins.

78. I’ve written to Oprah about my depression while in college.

79. I have journals from 8th grade.

80. I’m asexual right now. Men can go to hell.

81. I bought nail fungus remover to prevent fungus from growing…you, know, just in case.

82. I hate when people applaud in a movie theatre.

83. Sometimes I think I’m better than people. No, actually, I know it. Does that make me evil?

84. I breathe weird; not with my diaphragm, but with my chest.

85. I hate grocery stores. They make me itch; a sign of cooties being present.